I got your old hat, I put it on sometimes.

The loss of a loved one is something we all fear.  What will life be like without them?  How can I move on?  Why did this happen?  When someone you love becomes a memory, that memory becomes a treasure.  Memories are a way of holding on to the things you love, the things you are, and the things you never want to lose.  Stories and memories of life lost take us backward and move us forward.

Country music artist Clare Dunn (click here to check out more of her music) penned a song about preserving the memory of a loved one lost by wearing their "Old Hat"

Once upon a time

There was a girl running around in her daddy's old truck

Couldn't wait to see the world and shake off that dust

Once upon a dream

There was a land of bright lights and a big city

Boys were fast and the girls talked pretty

Then one day I got the call

Now I got your old hat

I put it on sometimes

When I wish I knew what you would do, needing some advice

There are many ways to preserve memories of our loved ones.  Memory quilts are a popular way as are pillows made from an article of loved ones clothing.  Wearing something of our loved one gives us a connection to them. It brings us closer to them when we are feeling distant.  It fulfills the need we have for a physical connection to our loved one.  

I got your old hat

And every now and then

I wear it backwards even though you hated that

And I can swear I almost hear you laugh

Its sun kissed and its sweat stained

Its too big and its right brained

Knowing that you’re never ever coming back

That will never be, no never be, old hat

Wearing a hat, a jacket, an accessory that belonged to our loved one can provide us comfort in the moments when we need to be reminded of their love.  For me it is an old work shirt of my Dad’s that I like to wear when I’m working around the house, when I’m doing the jobs that I would often ask for his advice on like trimming my trees.  Having the “old hat” memento of our loved on is a tangible memory of their influence in our life.  It is a way of keeping a piece of them with us here on earth.

The years they roll on by

And when the days are black and the nights are blue

I'd give anything just to talk to you

Guess it's the little things that get you through

And I got your old hat

I put it on sometimes

When I wish I knew what you would do

And I'm needing some advice

I got your old hat and every now and then

I wear it backwards even though you hated that

And I swear I can almost hear you laugh

Its sun kissed and its sweat stained

Its too big and its right brained

When I'm wearing my Dad's "Old Hat" it's as if he's sitting with me and sharing his wisdom. We are always told there is a reason for our loss, that time will heal us, but neither time or reason changes our grief. The grief journey is difficult, our emotions are real.  Our loss forces us to change to a "new normal".  Memory anchors such as an article of clothing, perfume, cologne, a place we visited, a bird, a song, they trigger our senses and link our memory to a moment shared with our loved one.  Memory anchors comfort us and help us heal.  

Knowing that you’re never ever coming back

Its seen sun ups and sun downs

Its beat up and its worn out

And everybody says its seen its better days

I let them throw everything else away

But your old hat

Memory anchors give us opportunity to recall and celebrate.  Memory anchors preserve the legacy of our loved ones and inspire us to create new memory anchors.  What memories anchor you to the loved ones you have lost?